Day 2: Ayana’s Affirmations: “CLAP FOR YOUR MOTHERFU*KING SELF

We all have different goals, but can we all agree that we share one common goal which is to be happy? We are all searching for that high that will bring us so much joy that we can’t stand ourselves.  Every day we wake up,  the mission is to get one step closer to what makes us burst at the seems with happiness.

But if what we set out to achieve is for us and only us, then why is it that we seek so much validation from others?

This era that we live in now is the most self-absorbed, self-centered, whiney, validation needing, attention seeking, silliest era of all times.  Look around you:

Every move we make, we post on Facebook, we post where we are, what we’re wearing tonight, who we are with, what  the insides of our homes look like, who our mates are, what they drive, where they live, what they do for a living just so that people, most of them we barely know, can “like” it.  And we have become so consumed with “likes” that if one chooses simply not to hit that button, he/she will risk being called a hater or jealous.  What if he or she simply in their minds and hearts acknowledged you and smiled inside but didn’t hit a like to show everyone else that they liked what you did.  What does it matter? What’s in a like?

Do you simply do things to get a reaction from others or are you really living YOUR TRUTH? Is every move that you make based on getting validation and approval from others? Do you wait around to see who will clap for you, who will applaud you, who will shake their pom poms for you, or are you living your life how you want to live it? We get so caught up wanting to make others “hate” that we drain ourselves and deprive ourselves of our own real joy!!!

It’s like going to an exciting light show, or seeing your favorite artist in concert.  How can you truly enjoy the show if you have your phone out, tweeting and Facebooking every thing that’s happening around you?  You’re not truly enjoying yourself or taking the time out to bask in the ambience of the moment for all that it is, you’re just there to let others know that’s where you are.  So when you do something and you instantly seek validation you take away from the sincerity and ingenuity of those who want to “like” what you do when you’re seemingly begging for them to like it.

On another note, if you’re really doing your numbers and there isn’t any one around to say good job and offer to take you out for celebratory drinks or even picking up the phone to say, “yaaaaaaaaz you did that!” Then guess what. You have to CLAP FOR YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SELF!

Yes! it can be very disheartening to not receive accolades from your loved ones.  It can be down right hurtful at times. But stop and ask yourself, are you asking for too much? Make sure that you are not over reacting to the lack of applause from your loved ones. Think about it, how many times can one congratulate you on the same thing? How many times can someone clap for you? How many times do you expect someone to tell you, “Good job! I’m happy for you! Congratulations!”

You don’t need that shit all the time, that is not realistic.  You are expecting the impossible when you want your family and friends to clap for every thing you do, it is totally asinine to think that every time you talk to your loved ones and you discuss the same thing they are suppose give you praise, congratulate you or say something extremely positive. Every time you open your mouth to discuss your raise, your new job, your new man, your new car, your new found happiness, your new shoes, your new, weight loss, your new computer, your new phone, your new whatever, you can not expect people to constantly validate you! The only people that need constant applause and validation are children as we want to constantly show them that we appreciate their growth while rewarding and showering them with applause every step of the way to reward their good behavior.  But you are not a child. Cut the shit and clap for your motherfucking self.

On a larger scale, you have to TRUST the people around you and if you truly do then you will know that without a shadow of a doubt your family and your friends are happy to see you shine, happy to see you do “that thing” that you have been wanting to do for so long!!!!  They don’t have to say it each and every time that you guys have a conversation!

Society plays a big role on how we deal with folks.  We can’t say much be it a compliment or otherwise without it being dissected and over thought to see if there was some hidden message, hate or agenda. It is down right ridiculous how the minds of people work these days, which is why it is on you to stay true to yourself and not worry about being validated by others!

But if that is not enough for you and you still seek praise from your circle then here’s what you do…purchase a laugh track/applaud track from Universal Studios and press the button whenever you do something that you believe is worthy of an applause, that way you can get that love you feel you deserve.  But you can not waste your time and your life waiting for others to applaud your efforts and accomplishments. Life and real “likes” simply does not work that way.

-Ayana Ellis



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