If you haven’t noticed already, I am all about the ladies, the women, the young girls, the domestic violence survivors, the under-dogs, the creative motherfuckas, the 9 to 5’ers, the entrepreneurs, the women out here who just want to wake up and not be compared to anybody else, the women that just want to be left the hell alone and adored for who they are, because it’s always something these days. We can’t stand in our bare naked truth for 2 seconds without someone comparing us to someone else, pointing out what this one has and what this one doesn’t have. We have turned into the most competitive, petty, unrealistic, plastic, mean and hurtfullest era I’ve ever witnessed. Yes “hurtfullest,” is not a word, it’s my word. And if you are not careful with your surroundings you will find yourself being invited into a competition and a race that you didn’t even sign up for! You can’t even say you jogged 2 miles without someone congratulating you, then telling you about the time they jogged 4. You can’t do anything these days without someone bringing up what they did too, or what they have. It’s almost second nature to be in a competition these days.
The job that you love and the pay you don’t mind, will all become not enough if you are around people who constantly talk about what they have and what they are doing, secretly downplaying what you got going on. Your weight will be in question, if you are around people who always have something negative to say about women that weigh what you weigh. Your car, your apartment, your hair, your goals, everything that you love will never be enough, if you constantly fill your time up, listening to people who underhandedly down play what you have, by suggesting that they could never be happy with what you have, but they are happy for you. i.e. I’m happy for you girl, but I know I could never do that though, it wouldn’t work for me, but I’m truly happy for you.”
You ever had someone say that to you?
And we know all too well that these men will have you out here offed up too if you let them. The way that they slander and pit women against one another, constantly comparing us to one another on social media or TV or even the chick up the block, making you feel as if you are not enough, so you find yourself on a hamster wheel trying to please these men and to become attractive enough to these men, who don’t know the beauty or value of anything if a designer tag isn’t attached to it. Don’t let that go over your heads, beloved, please!
YOU ARE ENOUGH!
It doesn’t matter if you’re the only dark skin woman in a room full of fair skin people
It doesn’t matter if you’re the heaviest girl in a room filled with thin girls
It doesn’t matter if your hair is short
It doesn’t matter if you don’t own a business
It doesn’t matter if you are single
It doesn’t matter if you have HIV
It doesn’t matter if you are a single-mother
It doesn’t matter if you are a domestic-abuse survivor
It doesn’t matter if you live in the ghetto
It doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin
It doesn’t matter if you don’t make 6 figures
It doesn’t matter if your child has a disability
It doesn’t matter if YOU have a disability
It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want you
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t like you
it doesn’t matter who doesn’t accept you
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!!!!
You have to be careful about what you ingest. You have to be mindful of the source in which the opinions and words are coming from. Do not be easily impressed or swayed because you will be surprised that there are people who so called have more than you, that are a bit envious of you. People who brag about what they have only appeal to people who have nothing. A person with “something” is wondering why this person is bragging about things that are so common. You are enough and you have enough! And if you feel as if you need more, that’s okay too, but don’t let it be because of someone else’s opinion of you. If you want to change, then change, for you! If you want more, go get more, for you! If you wanna lose weight or gain weight, do it for you! If you need more money, do it for you! If you want to switch up your goals do it for you! Everything that you do, make sure it’s not because of any outside influences. Do it for you and just know that in the meantime, all of the time, you are enough, regardless. YOU ARE ENOUGH! During the transition, during the shift, during the waiting process. You are ENOUGH! You are enough, right where you stand, with everything that you got, you are enough! Pay attention to your own path, never mind what’s going on, on the side lines.
Life is not a race to the finish line. Life is not a competition.
Your life and your walk, should be slow and deliberate, making sure you stop, breathe and appreciate what you have. It’s about doing you, failing beautifully, picking yourself up wonderfully, learning, giving, teaching, appreciating, growing, growing, growing. Seamlessly and organically making it to the next level of life. It’s about having people in your life that pours into you, not drain you and take from your soul. It’s not about rushing or being the first to do or have anything. It’s not about competing beloved, it’s about simply living your best life for you. But how can you if you don’t feel as if you are enough?
Be the tortoise in this thing called life my love, not the hare.
Here’s my take on positive thinking, energy, unhappiness, stress, etc. I can only speak from experience as I have dealt with many emotions, high’s and low’s in my lifetime. But like an addiction, you gotta get a handle on shit because life is about ups and downs, high’s and low’s regardless of who you are, what you have, what you do, where you live, skin color, gender, etc. Too much of anything is no good for you. We all can agree on that right? But there comes a time in your life when you just get tired of feeling weighed down and our first instinct is to blame something or someone… else. It normally happens when you feel as if you are doing everything you are suppose to do, yet, something just isn’t right, you are still unhappy, unsettled, energy off. That is where positive thinking comes in to play and it’s not as easy as just thinking happy thoughts, its about embedding this way of thinking into your soul, your being, you have to become a positive thinker, not just think positive thoughts. Continue reading “Is “Positive Thinking,” …bullshit?”
I just want to take a moment to rest my hand on the home row keys and allow my fingers to dance and express how I feel about the audacity of women to celebrate one another because nobody else will. I want to take in this moment to bask in the beauty of women who are out here unapologetically showing they natural black asses all up and through these streets. Every time you turn on the TV, movie theaters, social media, your block, my block, we are every where, afros out, colorful garments, flashy, brazen, bodacious, loud, proud, laughing and hugging, extending opportunities, shaking hands, rubbing shoulders, complimenting one another, adjusting one another’s crown’s, loving on one another, healing each other.
It took us, to fix us and love us. Continue reading “SHOUT OUT TO US!”
I love writing about relationships because we learn so much from them all (or at least we should) be it a situationship, manipulationship, relationship, friendship, partnership, affairs…. yeah I said it, affairs!
Anyway, either you are doing the choosing or being chosen, right? Has being chosen made you more relaxed in your situation? In hindsight, has it made you feel so special perhaps even a bit self-absorbed to the point that you forgot to choose yourself?
Let that sink in for a moment. Continue reading “Flowers”
So 10 days after returning from Turks (See Fly Girl: Turks and Caicos) I had the pleasure of going to Montego Bay. Mek mi tell unu about my trip to MoBay! Now I had just visited Jamaica in 2015 for my great friend Lisa’s 40th. I thought that was the best trip to Jamaica I’d ever experience. I had gone twice before Lisa’s trip and was well versed in Ricks Cliff, Dunn’s River, all the Marley attractions and drank all the rum punch a girl can have. And the fact that I am Jamaican it’s like over kill already. Going to Jamaica at this point for me is like going to Miami or to the corner store. But this time I had to go to Jamaica for one thing I never saw when I was there prior. Continue reading “Fly Girl: Montego Bay, Jamaica”
So I’ve been on this mission in life lately. The mission is to actually do the things that I sit back and day dream about doing and really making better decisions and choices. It’s as simple as saying YES to myself even if it means saying no to people, invitations, conversations and anything having to do with anything outside of what I feel deep in my soul or spirit to do. Biggie said it best, “Only make moves when your heart’s in it.” We can recite words until we are blue in the face, but when you truly believe in what your speaking, only then it will manifest into your life, is what I believe. So with that being said I started to talk more to myself about the things I wanted out of life, things I could actually control that didn’t involve any one other than myself. One thing that popped up in my mind was to travel more. Not because it’s the cool thing to do, but because my creative mind always takes me out my comfort zone and I truly believe my physical should follow. And seeing as how this is the Year of Yes for me, I decided to stop making excuses and start booking these trips. My first stop of many to come was Turks and Caicos, which was suppose to be my 40th gift to me but it came earlier.
So I’ve never heard of this book until today. An old friend of mine stopped by and as usual over wine and cornbread we talked about life, we caught up and the topic of course was men. In any event, we both decided that as we approach and have reached the sensual age of 40 things do indeed change. She said that this book has shaped her life. I am going to order it as soon as I am finished typing this blog.
But for me, things changed before I turned 40. In fact, I haven’t turned 40 yet, but 40 is right here looking at me from the corner, like yooooooooo whaddup! Yoo hoo over here!
Think of all the times you said “yes” to something you really didn’t want to do. Think about all of the places you were invited to and you went, when you really didn’t want to, but your fear of being “talked about,” or the stress of having to deal with some kind of backlash from friends made you go.
Think of all the times someone needed you for something and you really didn’t have it to give, be it time, money or simply an ear over the phone. But you obliged, even as you shook your head no. Begrudgingly you did that thing that you did not want to do. Think about how you prepared yourself to say “No” to any and everyone who asked you for any damn thing but when the question arises, you say “okay, will do, yes.”
Think of how stressed and how unfulfilled YOU felt by giving someone what they wanted when you wanted to say no. You know what that feeling is? It’s a feeling of deprivation. Yup, what you feel is you depriving yourself. Continue reading “The Power In Saying NO”
Day in and day out you watch the ships roll in and you watch them roll away again. You’re frustrated, you’re aggravated because you know there is something that you should be doing but you can’t seem to figure out what. Even more frustrating is knowing what you should be doing but for the life of you, you just can’t figure out where to start.
Times a wasting kid! But you know what we do? We allow that paralyzing fear of failure to keep us stagnant. We are so afraid of becoming who we know lives inside of us because we are afraid of leaving behind what we have become comfortable with. But every night we toss and turn after laying in bed for hours day dreaming about the life we want to live, yet we are so afraid to make that move, that first small move, that can catapult us into greatness. We are so afraid to put in that work!
What is hindering you from being who you are destined to be and completing that goal? Dig deep inside and be honest with yourself, what is stopping you from living out that passion or that dream that you can’t go a day without thinking about? Continue reading ““Make That Move” By Ayana Ellis”