Think of all the times you said “yes” to something you really didn’t want to do. Think about all of the places you were invited to and you went, when you really didn’t want to, but your fear of being “talked about,” or the stress of having to deal with some kind of backlash from friends made you go.
Think of all the times someone needed you for something and you really didn’t have it to give, be it time, money or simply an ear over the phone. But you obliged, even as you shook your head no. Begrudgingly you did that thing that you did not want to do. Think about how you prepared yourself to say “No” to any and everyone who asked you for any damn thing but when the question arises, you say “okay, will do, yes.”
Think of how stressed and how unfulfilled YOU felt by giving someone what they wanted when you wanted to say no. You know what that feeling is? It’s a feeling of deprivation. Yup, what you feel is you depriving yourself.
There is POWER in the word “NO.” Saying no means that you have limits and standards for yourself that your peers must respect. If someone needs something, nine times out of ten they are not going to take into consideration the condition of the person that they are seeking assistance from. They want what they want and if you do not have the balls to say, “No” you will continue to get run over, stepped on and it will ultimately lead to you feeling used, tired and resentful at some point.
Think about your job. If you are always the co-worker to say yes to everything, you will find yourself being overworked at some point and it will be very hard to say no because you begin to feel obligated to other peoples comfort and feelings.
As you mature and learn the value of the people in your life you begin to scale back on dumping your issues on them, you learn to deal with things on your own and you can only hope that they are maturing at the same pace and learning your value as well. But there is only one way to find out and its by putting them to the test to see if they respect your No’s like they respect your Yes’s.
As adults our schedules change, times change and no I don’t believe in being so busy that you can’t make time for people. We make time for what we have the energy for. EVERYBODY has a little bit of time to spend with. But adult life is so dreadful sometimes that we don’t make time to party as adults, we make time for those who we feel we can get the most out of emotionally and mentally. Meeting up with family, friends, a lover etc should leave us a feeling of renewal and happiness not regret because someone is always in need of something.
So you have to learn to say no. There’s no joy in being everyone’s superwoman. Fuck all that. Say NO! Even if nobody needs you for shit, you have the right to say No, just no. Dammit NO! It doesn’t mean that you’re not a reliable person. It means you have limits!
Be confident in that No. Feel a sense of Freedom in that No. Don’t let saying NO stress you out. Let it simply be, No.
Once you find yourself explaining why you’re saying no, you have already taken the power out of it. You might as well go on and say yes with your punk ass.
You can’t continue to make time for and say yes to everything! Clearly, if you’re available and giving to everyone else, then in some areas, some way, some how you are unknowingly saying NO to your needs! It’s unacceptable. Just.. say No!
Can I….. ? No… Will You….? No… Do You Have…. NO just NO
Even when it comes to these men, you can’t be available all the damn time, you can’t tell him yes for every damn thing, you can’t give, give, give out of fear of him losing interest. If someone only wants you when you’re saying yes to them then the friendship/relationship isn’t genuine.
Saying NO to others only means saying YES to yourself. There comes a time in life when you have to get selfish and gather your bearings and be there for YOU and only YOU. Everyone else has to wait or find someone else to help them through or learn to say NO to the things that’s causing them so much turmoil as well.
Saying NO simply means saying YES to You! Stand up for yourself today and tell everybody who asks you for anything from your phone number to directions: