Day 3: Ayana’s Affirmations: “Rejuvenate Your Circle”

Let’s face it.  People are fucking draining yo.  Everybody’s coming around with their damn problems as if your life is all peaches and cream.  Every time you turn around  you’re getting dumped on by someone who doesn’t know how to make a rational adult decision to get them out of the rut they are in.  Day after day they talk your head off about whatever that thing is and if you care about this person, it will begin to effect you.  Multiply this by all the people you have bonded with in your life over the years.  How many of them seemingly handle life’s pressures with grace and not complaint? I mean nobody is perfect but you have folks who whine all day and then you have folks who handle their business. Between those folks and all of the shit you have going on in your life no wonder your ass is crazy and don’t wanna come outside!

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I mean my God every corner you turn there’s someone complaining about their low pay, their ain’t shit baby daddy, their edges, their stomach fat, their night classes, their lazy husband, their allergy to cheese, it’s always something not to mention all of your drama and now you find yourself in a rut, because you have taken on every one else’s blues plus your own. You don’t even remember who the hell you were before all of this. You can’t tell the last time you and your girls went out just to have fun and not to form an intervention or cheer up a heartbroken friend.  Think about it. You are not the same person that you use to be because of who you are surrounding yourself with.  You’ve taken it down a few notches and have become a lazy lima bean not wanting to do anything if it doesn’t involve the remote, wine and stress. You don’t laugh nearly as much as you use to. You don’t socialize as much as you use to. Life has beaten you down.  Your problems and your loved ones problems have totally fucked you up.

Welp you know what you need to do!

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Cut them bitches off!  No… life isn’t always about “cutting people off.”  Sometimes you have to be the one to rejuvenate your circle!  If you and all of your closest friends are all under one frumpy sweater, what do you think is going to happen when you cut them off and find yourself a so called new clique of “better friends?” Not a damn thing because those bitches got problems too and you will find that out soon enough! So it’s not about running away from your problems or shitting on your friends, its about finding a new way to deal with life without letting it bring you down! Sometimes when the air is just too thick and the girls are talking too much downtrodden bullshit you gotta just change the filter and get some fresh air going! You might have to be the one to sprinkle glitter on yo bitches!

Be an example for the women in your circle.  Everybody is too damn tired to make a change but there has to be ONE person in the crew that says you know what? Fuck this shit, I’ve had enough, we are some damn good women and we deserve to be out there living life like everybody else!  In order to pull this off, this person will somewhat distance themselves for a quick moment, nothing to cause alarm like most bitches, but to get ahead of the game just a little bit so that she can reach back to pull her sisters up.  Whether she ventured out and found a new spot for you all to go to every Sunday or if she found a new store for you guys to shop or a new topic to excite you all to take your mind off your blues or if she simply got her shit all the way together and is spreading that good ole fashioned energy on her girls to give you all hope, somebody has to do the job.  It’s not all about cutting bitches off.

Check it, when your beloved smart phone is acting up because you done drained the life out of the battery and you over charged it so much that its not working properly what do you do?  You instantly turn into tech support for your phone, you take the battery out, you let it rest for a while,  you don’t bother it or stress it. You want your phone to work at its best and fullest capacity. Why not treat yourself and your circle the same way that you treat your precious cell phone?

Perception is everything and all it takes is one of you to see things differently, just one! And once you begin to open up more, live life more, see the glass half full and begin to make positive changes in your life, it should without a doubt encourage your closest peers to do the same! You chicks can not be on the phone, day in and day out complaining about the same ole bullshit!

But in order to help anyone you have to help yourself.  You’ve got to put yourself on pause for a second to recharge your battery to get your life! No way should you be laying around stressing over things you have no control over.  No way should past mistakes and indiscretions be holding you back. No way should you and everybody in your circle be a bag of funk, everybody can’t be fucked up, it’s like the blind leading the blind! No way should you be unhappy when this big ole world is filled with so many outlets to little by little assist you in getting out of your funk.  It’s preposterous to trip over something that’s behind you.  Accept where you are in life and make the best of it, eventually you will begin to move up in the ranks of your life once you begin to appreciate yourself more! Nobody owes you shit. Stop waiting for that ship to come in, jump yo ass in the ocean and get to swimming! Rewind yourself back to a time when you dressed yourself up, laughed more, socialized a bit more and gave the Universe joy!  I know you miss it, you just don’t know how to get back in the mix.

There is no such thing as being too grown or too busy to laugh, smile and be around good folk. Stop making excuses and stop using the word “introvert” to cover up your unhappiness or use that as an excuse to neglect your loved ones.  You can’t just become an introvert over night. Either you or born that way or not!  The world deserves to feel the warmth of your smile.  The trees want to sway with the vibration of your laughter.  You have got to pick yourself up, get out there and enjoy this God given earth before you die. You and your girls deserve to be out there winning!

Because babyyyyyy let me tell you something.  Once you let the bullshit pile up on you, you will attract more and more junk, like a hoarder and the next thing you know your buried in the bullshit and its going to be extra, extra hard to get out of that. People are going to have to dig through the layers to find you and that can become exhausting.  Now you feel abandoned because nobody is around in your time of need. No honey bunch, such is not the case!  The problem is they just cant find you and the digging gets tiresome!  Lose a ring in the sand, go ahead. After a while you’re going to get tired of trying to find it and you’re eventually going to say man fuck that ring and walk away. Your friends will begin to treat you the same if you don’t cut the shit.

Now, if you and your friends sit around all day talking about how hard life is, and how ni**as ain’t shit, and how stressed you are and how broke you are etc, you will never, ever, ever prosper. EVER.  There is power in your words so be mindful of what you keep telling yourself. You will eventually begin to live it.

The next time that you pick up the phone to text or call your home girl, THINK about the topic that you are about to start.  Be mindful of the energy you give off on the other end of that jack. There is nothing wrong with talking to your friends about life’s ills but you have got to find something new to discuss and bring positive vibes in to rejuvenate your circle.  Be open to change.

Now you may find that one or two friends may have flown the coop claiming to have outgrown you, fuck em, let me fly!  But the rest of you, if you all are truly birds of a feather then you will indeed flock and shine together.

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Day 2: Ayana’s Affirmations: “CLAP FOR YOUR MOTHERFU*KING SELF

We all have different goals, but can we all agree that we share one common goal which is to be happy? We are all searching for that high that will bring us so much joy that we can’t stand ourselves.  Every day we wake up,  the mission is to get one step closer to what makes us burst at the seems with happiness.

But if what we set out to achieve is for us and only us, then why is it that we seek so much validation from others?

This era that we live in now is the most self-absorbed, self-centered, whiney, validation needing, attention seeking, silliest era of all times.  Look around you:

Every move we make, we post on Facebook, we post where we are, what we’re wearing tonight, who we are with, what  the insides of our homes look like, who our mates are, what they drive, where they live, what they do for a living just so that people, most of them we barely know, can “like” it.  And we have become so consumed with “likes” that if one chooses simply not to hit that button, he/she will risk being called a hater or jealous.  What if he or she simply in their minds and hearts acknowledged you and smiled inside but didn’t hit a like to show everyone else that they liked what you did.  What does it matter? What’s in a like?

Do you simply do things to get a reaction from others or are you really living YOUR TRUTH? Is every move that you make based on getting validation and approval from others? Do you wait around to see who will clap for you, who will applaud you, who will shake their pom poms for you, or are you living your life how you want to live it? We get so caught up wanting to make others “hate” that we drain ourselves and deprive ourselves of our own real joy!!!

It’s like going to an exciting light show, or seeing your favorite artist in concert.  How can you truly enjoy the show if you have your phone out, tweeting and Facebooking every thing that’s happening around you?  You’re not truly enjoying yourself or taking the time out to bask in the ambience of the moment for all that it is, you’re just there to let others know that’s where you are.  So when you do something and you instantly seek validation you take away from the sincerity and ingenuity of those who want to “like” what you do when you’re seemingly begging for them to like it.

On another note, if you’re really doing your numbers and there isn’t any one around to say good job and offer to take you out for celebratory drinks or even picking up the phone to say, “yaaaaaaaaz you did that!” Then guess what. You have to CLAP FOR YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SELF! Continue reading

Teach What You Know

When we walk through those dark valleys of life and we fight to find our light at the end of the tunnel we tend to forget about those who are in the valley with us along the way. We see the light and instantly turn selfish, we no longer need those who traveled with us, we cut the strings and venture out on our own.  That is not the way to be.  You can not forget those or leave those behind who walked those walks with you just to perform in the face of those who really don’t know you or the root of you.  But some of us get to our sunshine and so desperately fight to forget where we came from.  We don’t want any remnants of our past to show up in your present or future.  But your past builds your present.  Who would you be without what you went through?

No one is saying stay stuck in the past.   Your past is not a destination but instead a point of reference. Continue reading